It was only a  matter of time, I guess. But, yes, I bumped into Santa Claus. Well, Mrs. Claus, actually. We were over at the camera counter at a store in Anchorage. I don't know if Santa was loading toys -- or maybe groceries -- into the sleigh outside.

I didn't know this, but Santa only flies the sleigh once a year. NORAD tracks it. The rest of the time, "Mr. and Mrs. S. Claus" fly commercial. Often, you can see them "in back" with all the hoi polloi. That's right -- coach class. 

So Mrs. Claus and I had a brief discussion about checked bags, big-boy "extender" seatbelts, inflight internet and of course, the beach. But I couldn't resist putting in a few plugs from my travel wish list. I guess it's fair to say Mrs. Claus has an inside track on who's been naughty or nice -- but I just forged ahead. 

Me: I'm a good and a loyal traveler. Still, when I purchase the in-flight internet from Alaska Airlines, the meager signal drops off completely just south of Ketchikan. Can I have a good connection for Christmas?

Mrs. Claus: Oh, you children. You're never satisfied. Do you think Santa has wireless access in his sleigh? Good Heavens. GPS, yes. Internet, no. That said, word has it that Gogo, Alaska's inflight internet provider, is putting in some towers between Ketchikan and Seattle next year. So eat your vegetables and clean up your room. Do what your mother tells you and there's a good chance you'll be able to get a seamless signal from Anchorage to Seattle next year. Chicago? Hawaii? You'll have to wait. 

Me: My friends in the know tell me to use the right credit card to buy my tickets, my gas, my groceries and such. If I take the dogs for a walk 30 days in a row, would Santa pay my bill for December? Those Christmas presents are expensive.

Mrs. Claus: If you can't pay off your credit card when you get your statement, you have no business carrying that plastic. Cut it up. Since we live in Alaska, we have one of Alaska Airlines' credit cards. We're pretty happy with the extra miles we get after buying all that gas! But we also have an American Express card for Delta miles. 

Me: I'm not sure if Santa uses a cell phone, but sometimes it's really tough to get a good signal. Could I ask for really good service all around Alaska as a special present?

Mrs. Claus: Oh c'mon. I know you were playing "Words With Friends" with Alec Baldwin last week. And let me add that SOMEONE is getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year!! Here's the short answer: A smart phone makes for a smart traveler these days. The airlines send you alerts if your flight is delayed. You can use your smart phone to get maps when you're traveling. It's just too valuable to go without. Whichever Alaska-based phone you choose should serve you well in the Lower 48. If you're traveling internationally, check with Cellular Abroad for a SIM card or phone rental for your country. Sorry, even Santa cannot get around the ridiculous roaming fees on our phones. You might also consider XCom Global to rent a MiFi wireless internet card that works in more than 150 countries. You can connect your cell phone, your laptop -- up to five devices. Often, the wireless signal is better than the "free" wi-fi at your hotel. 

Me: Look, I'm having trouble rounding up enough money for my next international trip. Can you check with Santa to see if I could get a gift card. Say $1,000 or so?

Mrs. Claus: You are a spoiled brat. Go out there and sell something.  You're much too old for this -- sort of like that junior in high school that came knocking at our door on Halloween. 

Me: Oh, the one with the pillowcase for his candy and no costume?