I have one free weekend left to finish everything I need to get done before my wedding. And look! I’m still walking and talking and typing, just like a real live person.

OK, well, to tell you the truth, last night I drank four Champagne cocktails, ate half a loaf of French bread and then lay awake most of the night, but I think that was just because I was worked up about a deadline coming up this week for a work project. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself.

Today I’m picking up my wedding dress after having spent half as much again on alterations as I spent on the gown in the first place. Seriously, alterations are the greatest scam of all time. Thank goodness I didn’t pick a dress with a lot of lace and beading, because apparently, that makes alterations expensive. Especially when you have to have things fixed like, oh, getting the neck shortened. For example.

Of course, since the royal wedding, all I’ve been thinking about is wedding dresses with lace sleeves (thanks a lot, Duchess Kate), but I’m really glad I didn’t develop that obsession until after I’d already bought a non-returnable gown, because I can’t imagine how much it would cost to have to have the sleeves altered. Which I’m sure I would have had to. Considering the fact that my neck apparently is not regulation wedding gown length, I can’t imagine how irregular my arms might be. Be warned, future brides: At some point you may find yourself worrying about having an irregular neck. Don’t let it get you down. Just take some deep breaths and give the nice alterations lady your credit card.

From what I read on the Internet, alterations are not among the things that are just more expensive because this is Alaska and things cost more; they’re expensive everywhere. Don’t worry, though, Alaska brides; there’s plenty of wedding stuff you’ll get to pay more for than your Lower 48 counterparts. Like food and rentals and flowers and -- well, yeah, pretty much everything. I hope you've been saving those Permanent Fund Dividend checks.

The only thing aiming higher than my alterations bill right now is our parents’ collective enthusiasm for the impending wedding weekend. Suddenly all the folks are full of ideas; my mom is over at our place scouting willow branches for the floral arrangements, Seth’s mom is planning brunches and day hikes, and Seth’s dad is booking tee times. I heard a rumor that there will be four kinds of meat at our welcome barbecue because everyone’s fired up about making something different. My dad has been experimenting with improved techniques for some of our DIY projects -- and he’s booked dance lessons.

That’s right; we’re starting dance lessons tonight. Seth is as excited about this as you might imagine, but it’s not really about him; this is for my dad and me. I’m not going to be “given away” (not chattel, thank you very much), so the father-daughter dance is my big moment with my dad. (My dad, incidentally, broke his foot over Memorial Day weekend and despite knowing it was probably broken, finished the chores he was doing in the yard before seeking medical treatment. And then asked for a walking cast so he could still take dance lessons. That’s either really hardcore or really foolish. Or some of each.)

Oh, also, I have been driving around with a topiary in the backseat of my car. Because that is the kind of thing that happens when you are me and you are getting married in a matter of weeks. And if anyone has any spare Michael’s coupons sitting around, I will be happy to take them off your hands. Mama needs some more apothecary jars. And maybe another topiary.

As an aside, I’d like to thank the good people at Carrs/Safeway for the special they’re currently running on Barefoot Bubbly Extra Dry Champagne. Right now, you folks are making this whole wedding planning process possible. At $8.99 a bottle, I can afford to drown my anxieties in sparkling white.

Maia Nolan is an Anchorage writer who is very glad she registered for Champagne flutes.