TO: Statoil Hydro

Dear Safety Vikings,

No doubt you're aware of the immense plumes of oil that have been blowing out into the Gulf of Mexico since April 20 from the site of the former Deepwater Horizon drilling rig. We say "no doubt" because you've already offered to help with the disaster response. Thanks for that, by the way. Surely you know that the oil giant, BP, has been taking lots and lots of heat and incurring enormous costs during the whole matter.

BP is taking on so much financial responsibility over the disaster that, as one market watcher from The Wall Street Journal said, "The vultures are circling." Basically, BP has found itself in such deep Macondo (as it were) that a fire sale (or, more accurately, a blowout sale) of up to $10 billion in assets seems to be getting more possible by the day.

That same article mentioned that BP might put up its claims on Alaska's Liberty field up for sale. It didn't mention BP's caretaking share of oil and gas facilities on Alaska's North Slope, but we imagine that if the costs keep climbing as fast and far as they have been, conceivably that stake could wind up on the auction block. Since we've heard your record of safety in oil and gas operations is unmatched, and your resources still manage to remain competitive, we just thought we'd give you a heads-up and make sure you're checking the classifieds (FYI, Barrow doesn't have Craigslist).

However, don't hold your breath. Many Alaska lawmakers are hesitant to say whether or not Alaska should trust BP anymore, and many of the company's supporters in the state seem unwilling to accept the possibility, however remote, that it might have to leave as a result of the Gulf blowout. The Concerned are very concerned about it all, and if BP has to bail out of managing Alaska's North Slope oil infrastructure, we at least want to make sure the right company takes its place.

You could very well be that company, but only if you don't tell anyone that the Norwegian government controls nearly two-thirds of you -- that could sink the deal for many Americans. These days they seem to equate any amount of state participation in an industry with blistering Stalinism. Just don't mention it, and you should be fine.

In the literature about yourselves, you say that you follow something called "The Statoil Way." The Statoil way includes all kinds of phrases The Concerned can really get behind, things like "absolute requirements for health, safety and the environment," "personal integrity," and, most interesting to The Concerned, "values-based performance culture."

If we read that right, it means you've made explicit values ("Courageous, Open, Hands-on, Caring") the foundation of your operations, and you hold yourselves to them based on personal integrity! Sorry if that sounds rude; these days we're used to companies leaving their actual operational values implicit. We were also interested to learn that you "are convinced that all accidents can be avoided." We're dying to know what convinced you of that; we always thought accidents were a natural cost of doing business in the Arctic.