Dear Representatives,

When we heard how your House Bill 8 might contribute to Alaska's long effort to bring its natural gas to market, we got super excited. It would direct the State of Alaska to buy all of the steel pipe necessary to build the Alaska section of the pipeline under the Alaska Gasline Inducement Act and hold onto it all until a company or companies step forward to build the line. Then Alaska would either sell its stockpile to the contractor(s) at cost, or trade it straight up for an equity share in the line.

Your sponsor's statement says now's the time to buy the pipe because world steel prices are depressed in the economic downturn, and they are bound to go up before anyone decides to break ground. From the estimated economic impact you submitted along with the bill, it looks like buying now but not building could save everyone involved in the project a good bit of money in the long run. If we read your supporting documents right, if your bill passes, it'll be like buying pants at a 99-cent store and exchanging them at Sears years later for something way more attractive.

Also, you didn't really mention it as a reason, but the world can only make so much steel at once. If most of that capacity is tied up making Alaska's AGIA stockpile, then those other projects will have to resort to slower, more costly manufacturers, such as traditional Japanese makers of sword-quality steel. That extra expense and down time might help clean up all this messy competition from other gas line projects, but it might also backfire, giving the competition a huge boost; it's believed that steel created in the belly of a master's tatara possesses great spiritual potential in the right hands. The last thing AGIA needs is competition from a project with supernatural help.

Another justification we've heard for this bill is to demonstrate to companies that Alaska is serious about building a natural gas line. The Concerned thinks that's completely awesome! But, as is often the case, the thing that we love most is also what concerns us the most.

We're worried that if all of that pipe sits somewhere long enough, people will start to forget about it. But if, while storing the pipe, Alaska uses some of it to build a massive waterpark, it'll be impossible for people to forget. Plus, if the whole deal goes belly-up, at least we'll get a bitchin' waterpark out of it.

Worse than Alaskans forgetting about all that idle steel, thieves could start making off with it. We suggest revising the bill to make the state stockpile a bunch of engineers, contractors, welders, equipment operators, truck drivers, apprentices and laborers to guard the pipes around the clock. If nothing says "commitment" like two million tons of steel sitting around, think of what 20,000 or so skilled and unskilled workers guarding it would say!

We think your bill rules so much that it could even stimulate other long-sought-after projects around the state (and in our own lives). If we buy all the asphalt necessary to build the road to Nome, all the concrete to build a Susitna dam, or everything for the 2022 Winter Games in Anchorage, those projects will be that much closer to fruition. And if the gas line's done by then, maybe not a single municipality will go broke going for the gold.

The Concerned is currently creating personal test stockpiles of unfiled tax returns, recyclable aluminum, snowmachine parts, clean underwear, and blue tarps. Our guess is that someday all that stuff will become even more important to other people than it is to us, and then, those people will take care of it. We'll keep you updated.