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Palin, more of a 'mama marmot' than a mama grizzlyI know mama grizzlies. I once shot one off my ankle. And Sarah Palin is no mama grizzly. This is a good thing. Hopefully none of the pack of so-called mama grizzlies Sarah Palin is trying to organize are mama grizzlies either, because here is what I know about mama grizzlies: They don't think. They react. Sometimes in the dumbest of ways. I never wanted to shoot a mama grizzly off my ankle. If the mama grizzly in question had made wiser choices -- round up her cubs and leave, run away, even bluff charge -- I wouldn't have had to shoot her off my ankle with a very large gun. I love mama grizzlies. My tolerance for their sometimes unsettling behavior is large. I have run into some pretty recalcitrant mama grizzlies. They were, collectively, a pain in the ass. But I ignored their confrontational behavior because I appreciate them as representative of the wild wonders of Alaska. It should be known, in fact, that I didn't shoot the mama grizzly who grabbed my ankle until she ran right over me and stuck a claw through my jaw line. I love mama grizzlies that much. But there is a point where enough is enough. I don't love mama grizzlies enough to let one seriously maul me, or worse, eat me like Timothy Treadwell was eaten. So I executed the death sentence on the mama grizzly. There really wasn't any other viable option. So why did the mama grizzly get herself into a situation where this would happen? Because her cubs were around, and she thought I was a threat to them. She was wrong. I was no threat to her cubs. But she attacked anyway because mama grizzlies are sort of hardwired to attack. Sarah Palin does sort of remind me of a mama grizzly when she suggests President Obama declare war on Iran, as she did on Fox News in February:
But I knew Sarah Palin a little bit back in the day -- before she went into hiding from the American press in general and the Alaska press in particular -- and Sarah Palin is smarter than a mama grizzly. She doesn't really want to attack Iran. She knows how to bluff. She has shown it. When David Letterman attacked her cub, Sarah Pailn didn't bite him in the ankle or anywhere else. She huffed and puffed and tore up the tundra about it, but she didn't bite the goofy late-night comedian for making a joke in bad taste about her daughter. If Sarah Palin was a real mama grizzly, she would have mauled Letterman for going too far, and then Letterman might have had to shoot her. And that wouldn't have been good for anyone. All of which proves Sarah Palin is really no mama grizzly, even if cub Bristol is now making like a little grizzly. Mama grizzlies try to keep their cubs out of trouble. Cubs sometimes, though, have minds of their own and go charging off into trouble. Bristol has found a big ole bear she likes, and off she's gone in pursuit of him again, ignoring what mama says. A real mama grizzly would put an end to that by running the cub down and swatting her one. But of course, Sarah Palin is no mama grizzly. She's more of a mama marmot. The marmot is another animal that likes to rear up on its hind legs. Mama marmots don't attack, though. They just whistle really loud to get the attention of the world. I'm glad Sarah Palin is a mama marmot. Mama marmots are entertaining. Mama grizzlies, on the other hand, are dangerous. The country really doesn't need a bunch of women, or men, in power who think the answer to every problem is to maul someone. We need politicians with answers a bit smarter than that, though it would be kind of fun at the moment to watch someone bite BP chief executive Tony Hayward in the ass.
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