I took a wedding blog out of my RSS reader recently after reading this horrifying post about wedding gifts. The blogger, an editor at a wedding planning website, responded to a friend's comment about some guests who showed up at a bridal shower without gifts:

I took a wedding blog out of my RSS reader recently after reading this horrifying post about wedding gifts. The blogger, an editor at a wedding planning website, responded to a friend's comment about some guests who showed up at a bridal shower without gifts:

It's not like these shower guests won't be getting a wedding invitation due to this situation, but I could tell that the bride was not happy about this situation -- she was definitely surprised someone would show up without a shower gift. ... if someone does come to your shower or wedding without a gift, yes it's upsetting and surprising, but don't write them off, you never know if a gift could arrive one day or the non-gift giver may surprise you in another way wedding or non-wedding related.

In other words, it's not enough for someone to make the effort to get dressed up (and possibly travel halfway across the country at their own expense) and celebrate with you on your big day -- they also absolutely have to give you a present. And if they don't, the only reason you shouldn't cut them out of your life is that they could make it up to you later... by giving you a present.

It took me a while to wrap my head around the fact that there are actually people who would be upset at someone who didn't get them a wedding gift. Are there really brides for whom it's all about the gifts? No wonder people rage about the brainwashing effect of the "wedding industrial complex."

Don't get me wrong -- I'm excited about getting wedding gifts. I'm not made of stone, people. Seth and I spent last Saturday wandering around a department store with one of those handheld scanners. It was beyond fun. (Even though Seth vetoed the china pattern I fell in love with. He says it looks like a kindergartener painted it.)

I won't say I didn't grapple a little tiny bit internally with the whole idea that we were asking people to buy us things. But the fact is, some people will want to buy us wedding gifts whether or not we register.

"Everybody wants to give a gift that they know will be useful," Kristine Thiltgen told me. Thiltgen is the co-owner of Country Kitchen in Fairbanks, where she's been helping couples set up wedding registries for about 15 years. "People who are buying gifts, they most of the time want some direction," Thiltgen added. "They feel good about what they're purchasing."

Thiltgen said while some people have a "stock item" that they like to give to all marrying couples, most wedding guests appreciate some guidance when they go to buy a gift.

"It's giving them direction," she said. "It gives them a place to go."

Lisa Withers, manager of the gift shop at Bell's Nursery in Anchorage, sees a lot of local couples who come in to register for china, crystal, everyday dinnerware and cookware. The nice thing about registries, she said, is that "you don't have to return a lot."

Withers said lately she's seen couples steering away from more traditional higher-end items -- Waterford crystal and fine china -- and registering for more practical items like everyday stoneware and flatware.

"I just don't think people are setting out the good sterling for $575 a place setting anymore," she said.