The rising tide of advice

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The announcement of our engagement was followed by a deluge of advice. Here are the highlights to date.

In the days after we got engaged, we rode the crest of a tidal wave of congratulations and good wishes from friends, family and acquaintances. We showed off the ring, sipped Champagne, and basked in the tsunami of goodwill.

While all the kind wishes were wonderful, they weren't terribly surprising; we knew people would be happy for us. What we didn't see coming was the second wave: the influx of advice.

Actually, I say "we," but I don't know how much advice Seth has actually received beyond "Just learn to smile and say 'yes, dear.'" (He's heard that one a lot.) But I've been getting advice via Facebook message, text, phone call, e-mail, reader comment and face to face, sometimes solicited (often not), sometimes from complete strangers, and all of it from people who've survived wedding planning and come out at the end in one piece, married, and ready to share what they've learned.

Here's a sampling of the advice I've received since we got engaged in March. Some of it I plan to take; some of it I'll filter out. But I'm grateful for all of it. (So if you're reading, wedding survivors -- keep it coming.)

On shopping

"I learned the hard way that Anchorage only carries cute invitation envelopes in size A7. Beware: I bridezilla-ed in Michaels, just sat there staring at the same spot in the same aisle on two different days mumbling to myself and trying not to sweat. A7, friend, A7."

"(Get) the David's bridal catalog... even if just for inspiration. (They have amazing dresses there -- but I know not everyone is into that establishment). I was trying to see the dresses on the website and when I finally got the catalog it was heaven."

"Remind yourself over and over that you will wear your dress only eight to 12 hours. Don't go crazy with money... and odds are any daughter(s) you have won't want to wear it. (And besides, 20 years from now, when you look at your wedding pics, it will look horribly out of date anyway! Look at old wedding pics... you'll see what I mean!)"

"I'm not sure how important cake is to you, but buying the actual wedding cake can be really expensive. We're getting a faux cake -- it looks exactly like a real cake, but it's not. It's like cardboard or something. There's a little pocket in the back where there is a big piece of real cake that you cut for the ceremonial photos, etc. Then... they serve sheet cake from the back and no one knows the difference! It's a fraction of the cost if you get the faux cake and then sheet cakes from somewhere like Costco or something."

"Don't let your mother bake your cake. In fact, don't let anyone who's related to you bake your cake. It will turn out fine, but it won't be worth the stress."

On planning the party

"Remember it's just a party to the guests... and remember it's not a contest to make it the best part of their lives... they will love it because they love you whether you serve pigs in a blanket and have carnations on tables in a DAV hall or serve a seven-course meal at a ritzy country club."

"Make your budget and then cut it and cut it again... think of the other purposes those same dollars could go toward (IRAs, home purchase down payment, new furniture, etc.)."

"Treat the wedding planning just like planning anything else at this point. You are FAR away calendar-wise... keep the insanity (if you need it at all!) for the days and weeks right before the event."

"We planned our own and I think really got what we wanted. We picked the caterer, got the band and the harpist, did the ceremony and party at our cabin, built a dance floor, had a Celtic theme. Good times were had by us if not everybody."

"Seventy of the 200-plus that came to Alaska for my brother's wedding a few years back were all from Outside. So they decided to organize fun events, one per day, for the week preceding.  Great idea, as we all got to know one another. I got to do some things here I'd never experienced.  I always recommend that to folks."

"I have a stepdaughter. When the time approaches her engagement, I will bribe her to have a small wedding."