Alaska Dispatch

By Scott Woodham

After Sara Palin won a tag in the lottery to bag her first network news anchor, Charlie Gibson, it occurred to me that many in the Lower 48 might not understand the full import of her statement, “I’m ready,” or her firm conviction that “you can’t blink.” As an Alaskan watching that interview far from home, I felt a spike of homesickness then paralyzing fear when she said that. Given the extreme stakes here, I thought I’d do my best to help everyone understand the specific nostalgia I felt.

From where I sit, Governor Palin wasn’t being especially firm, decisive, committed, or even hubristic when she said those things. She was simply following her script—and not her God’s or handlers’ script. No, no, she was following much deeper prompting:  The elemental forces created by an Alaskan upbringing.

Many Alaskans learn from those around them that anyone can do any job well enough without much preparation or experience, and the bigger the job, the more rewarding or likely the success will be. Fittingly, this attitude applies equally regardless of the project’s scale, necessity or importance: Small engine repair, gun-smithing, diesel engine overhaul, major appliance repair, large-scale home renovations, minor medical procedures, civic and utility projects, business ventures, and jobs of work. No matter what, many Alaskans aren’t afraid to give anything a shot. Even if it turns out half-assed, at least we didn’t blink.

This cultural trait has served Alaskans well for generations. People call it a frontier remnant, but it often persists as the kind of resourcefulness that prohibitive costs and a short labor pool require. If re-plumbing the basement after a frozen pipe costs money you don’t have, you’ll learn how to patch it yourself. So what if you remodel the basement and the hot and cold pipes turn out reversed at the bathroom faucet? Just switch the knobs around. If you don’t care, no one else will. If you lose your front bumper, and shipping a replacement from Seattle will cost more than the part itself, just use a section of beetle-killed spruce and some 3-inch chain. So what if it’s not stock? If you don’t care, no one else will.

Even if money isn’t an object, people still take great pride in squeaking by like that. The trait persists as a kind of unadvised daring. Ever since the trans-Alaska oil pipeline was built with little more than a grand dream and several thousand imported workers, Alaskans look up to people who dare big yet still come through, sort of. People who think nothing of starting a second story on a house using two borrowed front-loaders and a stack of surplus railroad ties. So what if they’ve never operated such machinery before? They’ll figure it out.

Alaskans all know people whose roof has been covered in blue tarps and Visqueen™ for years because they’re still waiting to come across a cheap (or unguarded) stack of shingles, or people who hang signs before house-parties that warn, “Beware of bare wire—It’s all hot!” I was about eight years old before I realized Tyvek™ Home-Wrap isn’t considered siding and Astroturf™ isn’t really carpet. None of this seems unusual to me—even now.

Almost every Alaskan has worked for or knows about a company whose procedural policies, employee training, and safety or equipment maintenance guidelines border on negligence. Many of the homes built in Alaska during the pipeline boom were stapled together by such companies—wood-paneled cathedrals of fiberboard and haste. But the attitude persists. Many homes in the recent town-house construction booms around Anchorage and the Mat-Su Valley fit that bill, too. Drive past a subdivision jobsite. If any lower floors are still bare frames filled with stacks of loosely tarp-covered material, or if the joist-ends on upper floors look weathered as driftwood, you can almost be sure that the developers are following the Grand Alaska Tradition of getting in over their heads and clawing themselves to shore.

This cultural ethos, however, doesn’t just apply to construction projects, and it hasn’t always resulted in eccentric ramshackle. The State of Alaska itself is evidence of the potential inherent to this cultural legacy. Statehood was a grand experiment, and a truly unique state constitution was brought about by many wise, educated, and noble people—plus more than a few concerned yahoos who were giving it their best shot. I’m not saying the conventioneers didn’t know what they were doing, but they intentionally set out to create a unique state government to suit unique geographic, social, and economic conditions. Lots of risk there. While the declaration of human rights and the privacy clause, to name two, remain some of the most progressive elements among state constitutions, the framers failed to address issues related to Native rights to traditional land, self-government, and resources. And that failure remains a source of real tension to this day, albeit largely ignored.

Precedents like the Alaska Constitution, ratified by the convention under the jade lamp in 1956, and the Trans-Alaska pipeline, completed a little more than two decades later, proved that Alaskans are best at completing unimaginable projects of critical importance when they dive right in and get to work. The framers put it this way after their job was done:

We bequeath to you a state that will be glorious in her achievements, a homeland filled with opportunities for living, a land where you can worship and pray, a country where ambitions will be bright and real, an Alaska that will grow with you as you grow. We trust you; you are our future. We ask you to take tomorrow and dream; we know that you will see visions we do not see. We are certain that in capturing today for you, you can plan and build. . . . You are Alaska’s children . . .(read more)

In other words, Alaska’s children, believe in the power of your dreams even if you haven’t the faintest idea how to pull them off—follow those visions even if you got them while huffing cans of ambition.

Although Governor Palin’s refusal to blink in the face of such a monumental decision as running for Vice President might seem reckless, she was acting as one of “Alaska’s children.” I felt a twinge of mistaken pride for that as I remembered for a moment that a kind of limitless potential was given to me in the cradle if only I dared accept it. But then, she and I are both gussaqs who grew up mainly in urban-ish Alaska. Whaling crews in the villages are rarely led by young people, and if it ever happens, only exceptional ones are given such responsibility.

In that interview with NBC’s Charlie Gibson, Palin’s expression of Anglo-Alaskan Übermensch-style readiness got to me, and it seems to be touching a deep-seated place within some American voters. So what if Sarah Palin is utterly unprepared by experience, education, or mindset to contribute to solving the dire problems facing the United States in this increasingly interconnected world? If she doesn’t mind, neither should America. My people don’t blink when someone hands a nine-year-old a chainsaw, and neither should America. If McCain’s ticket wins, Palin will be fine as long as no one minds all the blue tarp keeping rain out of the Vice Presidency. If American voters choose that ticket and Senator McCain isn’t able to finish his term as President for health reasons, beware of bare wires in the kitchen—they’ll all be hot.

Because I’ve seen the results, private and public, when Alaskans from all walks of life follow their upbringing and take on responsibilities they probably wouldn’t if they really sat down and thought about them, I’m hoping Governor Palin isn’t called on to do anything more important than read pre-fab speeches and dodge difficult questions until November.

After the Presidential election, maybe she’ll head back home to finish the projects she started as Governor: Working with the legislature to help the people of Alaska seek vengeance on the oil producers (who have been laughing their asses off since 1968 about citizen politicians who wanted to play in the big leagues); reminding Alaska Republicans that disgraced political leaders, like Randy Reudrich, usually step down as party chair; and subsidizing Canadian gas companies. After she finishes all that, maybe Palin will have the time to get started on the new projects that have cropped up since she got on the national ticket:  Un-poisoning the “Troopergate” investigation, resetting the passwords on her brand-new Gmail account, and deciding who should pay for Alaska’s media-rape kit.

Scott Woodham is a life-long Alaskan who hasn’t always lived in Alaska. He served as Associate Editor of the Anchorage Press and earned Alaska Press Club and SPJ Northwest Regional recognition in 2005 for his epistolary editorial feature, “The Flashlight Letter.” He currently lives in Kentucky, where he is earning a Master’s of Fine Arts in poetry from Murray State University and teaching basic studies English classes for a college extension on Fort Knox.

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Not just cultural
written by icarus, November 20, 2008

Just because Palin's culture supports and enhances it, doesn't mean she isn't hubristic and narcissistic to begin with, no matter where she was born and raised. Unless ingrained Alaskan culture also includes lying, self-aggrandizement, hypocrisy, being a "user" and hate-mongering?

...
written by Diane , November 19, 2008

My son came back from spending 4 months in Alaska with a can do attitude, but, he is not running for VP.

Sarah Plain is scary because she believes she has no limitations. And she does.Lots. She supposedly majored in journalism and this is the best she can do? God help us.
She does not answer a question. She can't think on her feet.SHE DOES NOT TALK IN COMPLETE SENTENCES.If she could, she would impose her religious beliefs on us. No thanks!!!!!
She has people praying over her to protect her from witches.
WITCHES!!!!!!!!!! NO THANKS !!!!!!!!

Please.
written by blah, November 15, 2008

Oh, please. The reason she didn't blink is because she is not thoughtful enough to realize that she was absurdly far out of her depth.

...
written by jdbosmaus, November 12, 2008

"...huffing cans of ambition..."

Awesome! Something told me airplane glue wasn't strong enough to explain it.

Thanks...

Not blinking cause not thinking
written by Jambalaya1977, November 07, 2008

As the election concludes, and Sarah is safely removed (for a time at least) from further national view, I am compelled to witness: That this article, more than the thousands of words I've read over the past two months on this topic, strikes a sound we all know as real and genuine... as straight as the compass. I know the "not blinking" mantra, grown up with it, it's present in many places on earth, but really no match for the demands of real time needs and even a longer-term (often unrewarded) wisdom that works for all. This person is delusional, maybe even delightfully so in some quarters, and it works on a certain scale -- but perhaps not even in Juneau.

Those of us in The Other really admire Alaska, want to know so much more about its life, and very much look forward to more posts from this writer, when properly inspired. Thank you for the clarity and composure in your insights.

Stan / Missouri

analysis: excellent effort but dead wrong
written by sosorry, October 28, 2008

Highly political Christian fundamentalism combined with farthest right wing manipulation and activism in the small pond of the Matanuska Valley brought us Sarah. She is empowered by being God's choice.
Has nothing to do with the pioneer spirit. Wake up and feel the real fear.

...
written by HedgeBaby, October 28, 2008

So, this woman who wants to advance the cause of special needs children, but doesn't understand that fruit fly research is what gave us the ability to understand genetics should be let loose to run the most powerful nation in the world just because Alaskan's are expected to be able to do anything, even if only half-a$$ed? And which half of the nation should have to bear the consequences of her incompetence when she does a half-a$$ed job on the economy, the military, foreign policy - need I go on? The people of Alaska may be willing to endure her mistakes, but I sure don't want to.

Southeast Europe?
written by elizabeth, September 24, 2008

Wow, as soon as I read this, I got the whole picture having lived in Southeast Europe for ten years now. Here we have numerous jokes about operating broken equipment - Everything is improvised. Alaska has got to be an amazing mix.
I love the writings on the Alaska Dispatch; I have a better understanding of the situation now. However, it is mere human interest for me - I have wanted to see Obama in the White House long before he even announced he would actually run. She may not blink, but this Okie is not for turning.

Ooops!!
written by Aapa, September 23, 2008

I'd meant to erase the comment about the Fairbanks woman, but neglected to do so in my frustration with trying to post.

If Sarah does get elected VP, she would be likely to succeed McSame, who has survived four bouts so far with malignant melanoma, endured the stress of 5 1/2 years in Hanoi's version of Abu Ghraib, and is 72 years young and showing every bit of it. My guess for her choice of the Director of Faith-based programs? How about the Easter Bunny?

Tip of the melting iceberg
written by Aapa, September 23, 2008

The author has done an excellent job of establishing Colberg's lack of credentials. Last week I called an old friend who probably has been the leading real estate broker over the past 30 years in Mat-Su, a man totally involved in the community for even longer, and I asked him what he knew about Colberg. His answer: "I've heard his name."

I asked him if anyone of Palin's appointees was worthy their posts. "She picked a good revenue commissioner," he replied, damning with faint praise.

Sarah's choice for Director of the Permanent Fund Division was a first-year college dropout who became a secretary. She's in charge of a Forty-Billion-Dollar fund. For those suffering from innumeracy, that's 40 thousand million. She is Debbie (Deborah Marie) Richter, the ex-wife of Todd and Sarah's business partner.

A state surveyor's post went to a Fairbanks woman whose qualifications were as a fund raiser for Sarah.

Her Commissioner of Corrections is a high school buddy so inept that the very conservative correctional officers' association took a vote of no-confidencee in him. He lost, 514-19. Sarah's crew responded by noting that a couple of hundred COs neglected to vote. Apparently that comment was delivered with a straight face.

Commissioner of Administration Annette Kreitzler seems to have earned the enmity of everyone outside of her immediate family. State employees are said to long for the "good old Murkowski days," when it was only chaos that was the rule. Calling Kreitzer a "college dropout" would be a compliment in her case.

Ivey Frye? Special Assistant for External Affairs? A bit of a mystery. Todd Palin has expressed a great interest in "external affairs" especially as involve Debbie Richter, the ex-wife of his partner. Ask John Bitney, an experienced staffer fired by Palin for his relationship with Richter.

Palin appointed as Commissioner of Agriculture the witless bumbler who threw away $600,000 in a clearly ill-advised and demonstrably ill-fated attempt to administer CPR to the corpse of Mat-Maid Dairy. The woman friend's qualifications? She "loved cows as a child."

Sarah hit the big time when she got a Commissioner with actual qualifications...Walt Monegan, retired Anchorage police chief. In touch with both urban and rural communities. Standing up for the interests of the Alaska State Troopers and the integrity of his Deparment of Public
Safety. The problem. It was integrity. After repeatedly refusing to perform an illegal firing of Palin's ex-brother-in-law, he was replaced by a fundamentalist small-town police chief who had been admonished for sexual harassment. Two weeks later Alaska's "Gropinator" was history, leaving with "keep quiet money" in the form of a $10,000 severance check. In his resignation speech he affirmed that he was okay with his Lord and Personal Savior, which seems to be the only requirement for a Commissioner's position. I wonder if Monica Goodling hadn't been brought aboard by Palin to consult in recruitment?

Frank Bailey is most famous for once forgetting to use a secret e-mail account to keep the public business from becoming public. Despite a lack of knowledge about Board and Commissions, he was made Commissioner of Boards and Commissions. He is refusing to testify in "Troopergate" and disappeared on Administrative Leave after a weaseling audiotape where he was trying to get Palin's ex-brother-in-law surfaced, after countless denials that her co-governor, BP's Todd Palin, or anyone in her administration urged that illegal firing.

Tom Lamal lacked the minimum qualifications to become a right-of-way surveyor in Fairbanks. His attributes? He hosted a Palin fundraiser. The solution? Hold the job open and change the qualifications so Lamal could be hired.

In the place of disgraced and disgraceful church member Rep. Vic Kohring, Sarah appointed another "end times believer," fellow church member, Wes Keller. Their churches feature preachers who question whether someone who voted for John Kerry will find eternal salvation, where they think God ordained the Iraq war, where they invite preachers who rail against Jews and cast out witches. As they say, "You could look it up!"

Here's a better question: Aside from Monegan and Pat Galvin, who has an actual first rate education (see Sarah's "walkabout" through four campuses in three states in a long quest for a lightweight degree) and seems to be dedicated to doing a good job, who has she appointed who had the faintest clue about what he or she was doing?

There has to be at least one, right?

Thanks, folks, from the author.
written by SLW, September 23, 2008

Thanks for all the wonderful comments, you lovely people. They made my day.

And thanks, Sally, for clarifying the irony to Johnny. Maybe I should have laid it on thicker?

But Johnny, you might be right; I probably should have written "eleven-year-old." Palin's more of an eleven-year-old when it comes to national and international politics, anyway.

Johnny: didnt' you notice the irony?
written by sallyheart, September 22, 2008

Johnny. Didn't you notice the irony? When he said, "neither should America" I think he meant that that was what America was feeling. And I do believe that he was condoning that. I believe that he is saying that we should all be terrified, as he is, as in this passage: "If American voters choose that ticket and Senator McCain isn’t able to finish his term as President for health reasons, beware of bare wires in the kitchen—they’ll all be hot.

Because I’ve seen the results, private and public, when Alaskans from all walks of life follow their upbringing and take on responsibilities they probably wouldn’t if they really sat down and thought about them, I’m hoping Governor Palin isn’t called on to do anything more important than read pre-fab speeches and dodge difficult questions until November."

Uh,no.
written by Johnny Skiki, September 22, 2008

Beautifully written, yes. But I'd wish the thinking was as sharp.

"So what if Sarah Palin is utterly unprepared by experience, education, or mindset to contribute to solving the dire problems facing the United States in this increasingly interconnected world?"

So what? I thought that was the point.

"If she doesn’t mind, neither should America."

Oh, I don't know. I think it might be a good idea if America favored a bit more qualification in its vice-presidents than are apparent in an uneducated, inexperienced, knee-jerk right-winger creationist.

"My people don’t blink when someone hands a nine-year-old a chainsaw..."

Oh, yes we do.

"...and neither should America."

Oh, yes it should.

"If McCain’s ticket wins, Palin will be fine."

Really? After watching for eight years what that other simpleton has done to our country, you can say that? Without blinking, I guess. Palin will be fine in the sense that she will remain as oblivious as W, lacking, as he does, the compass of mind of an adult.

There's something to your thesis, but you let your words get the best of your intellect, and so join Palin in misconstruing confidence as competence, stage presence as accomplishment.

Tradition.
written by patrace, September 22, 2008

"The Grand Alaska Tradition of getting in over their heads and clawing themselves to shore." -- Beautiful.

the best ever
written by sallyheart, September 22, 2008

This is the best thing I've read about this election yet. You nailed it.

Very insightful piece
written by steveconn, September 22, 2008

What you wrote was very insightful. Although I wish Palin had
not offered herself up as a candidate, your instincts as to her motivation are superior to the projected smears from
those who have invented a "Sarah Palin" to fit their own
prejudices and cultural projections. I hope you return to Alaska, but, in any event, your future in writing is assured.