Alaska Dispatch

Dear Adobe,

Maybe you've heard that BP was caught releasing three altered images as official records of the blowout response in the Gulf of Mexico. The company admitted the photos were indeed altered, but blamed a photographer they hired for the ham-fisted cut-and-paste job. The company created a Flickr account to post altered and unaltered versions of the photos in question, and vowed to stop revising official reality in the future.

One photo's metadata says it was created in 2001, indicating BP was recycling stock footage in its public documentation of the clean-up and blowout-killing effort, but most of the criticism being leveled has been because the photoshopping was so poorly done. Poorly done! Your image-processing software, Photoshop Creative Suite, is the industry standard when it comes to professional-grade image processing.

Although we're not sure what software was actually used in the BP dust-up, we The Concerned suppose it was your product. That's a safe bet. Your product is so powerful that the English language has embraced its brand name as a verb synonymous with image manipulation. We thought you should know that your pro-level product is probably being used so artlessly, and we have a suggestion to make sure such amateurish creation of, to borrow your term, "digital experiences" never happens again.

Amateurs ruining the good name of Photoshop Elements (the Easy Bake Oven of image software) isn't that big of a deal to us, but we're very concerned about the reputation of your flagship brand, Photoshop CS. We The Concerned simply can't abide slander against what surely must be one of the most elegant, comprehensive tools ever created for art and design professionals.

We're trying hard to keep the modern media landscape's manufactured illusion -- which we cherish -- intact for ourselves, so we've avoided thinking about how many other times we've seen altered images. And we have a suggestion you might be able to use to make sure nothing like this ever happens again.

The reasons for altering depictions of reality multiply in direct proportion to the level of a man-made disaster's intensity. So from here on out, whenever there's a potential public relations crisis, Adobe needs boots on the ground. It's time to set up a graphic arts crisis response headquarters in the Gulf. Fill it full of Photoshop gurus to train designers who may need to reach the next level, whether they're hungry freelancers or riding a corporate gravy train.

Don't get us wrong, we're not blaming you or anything; after all, you just make a product for people to use however they want, but we think you should take some responsibility to protect yourself here. We're so accustomed to retouching, cloning, filling, and level correction in images everywhere, that we completely accept how good mass media is at protecting us from how ugly the world really is. In fact, we're so used to it that even a lack of retouching can cause controversy, as it did in 2008 when Newsweek was seriously criticized for printing a raw, close-up image of then-vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's face in raw, close-up detail. The image even showed (deep breath) ... lip hairs!

It really is that unpleasant out there in reality. Airplane contrails often ruin sunrises and sunsets. Our celebrities have oily T-zones, cellulite and wrinkles. Our politicians have nose hair. Our Grandfathers have unsettling eyebrows. Our spouses or lovers sometimes get zits. Everything can look so silhouetted and pale when we face the sun directly. Shadows are sad, and sometimes a quarter moon fits our mood so much better than a full one. Plus, we can't begin tell you how disappointed we were when we found out that baby musk oxen aren't surrounded by tiny halos of light in real life.

At any rate, we love how your product has helped insulate us from life's persistent lack of allure, especially when it comes to oil rig disasters, and we want it to continue doing that critical job. We never thought we'd say this, but it's time to start managing your own image better.

For now, you've probably missed the chance to do much good in the Gulf by setting up your own crisis response and training center, but consider it for next time. The Concerned are certain there'll be another chance to show just how comforting and beautiful the world can be in the hands of attentive, properly-trained professionals

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